one big shift

Renewed faith in myself is energising a big life change

I started a new chapter in my life and career this week. After 15+ years as an employee, I have now fully committed to being an entrepreneur. I’m launching my own business - Sounds & Stories - to help clients find and tell their brand story, develop a compelling content strategy, and create impactful content across channels.

It’s exciting. It’s scary… and I know it will be a huge learning curve. But, it’s something I have wanted to do for many years. Plus, circumstances have led me to this moment - the exact right time to pursue entrepreneurship.

What are these circumstances? Well, many elements have converged, including a series of challenging work occurrences, recognition of my core values, and my own journey of personal healing and development. These experiences I might share another time.

Right now though, I want to reflect on a recent shift in my mindset that I strongly believe has led me to forge this new path. It feels like a forgotten energy source in my being has been discovered and switched on. And now that it is on, it’s powering up and empowering me to go in a direction I only dreamed about (and even feared) before.

I’ve found - actually I’ve renewed - faith in myself. Sounds simple right?

Let me tell you how this happened… and maybe my story will help others thinking about making a major life change too.

Renewing faith in myself

Before this switch was turned on, I honestly did not know what having faith in myself really meant and felt like. I guess I mistook it for external validation, like compliments or praise from a friend, good feedback from a boss, or a project meeting its performance goals. Some time in the last 12 months, the switch has flicked to ON and I realise how comforting and grounding it is to have faith in myself.

How did this happen? I believe that turning 40 had something to do with it! However, music plays a strong part too. Switching on and playing a few powerful little music-making machines has switched on faith in myself. Added to this is that I’ve found a way to practice this passion in a gentle, practical, and fun way with an artist who I greatly admire for their creativity and discipline.

Switching on

A few years ago, my friend David introduced me to the world of making music with battery-operated electronic synths. How cool that these little compact machines could make such big electronic sounds. I was fascinated. However, at the time, I baulked at playing them - I was so scared that I’d break the machine or not be able to use it. I flat out refused to even touch one. I told myself that I was better off just listening and dancing - as playing was impossible.

Then, for Christmas in 2023, David gave me a pocket Roland Aira Compact T8 beat-making machine and proceeded to patiently teach me how to use it. For my 40th birthday, he advised two of my best friends to gift me a pocket Roland Aira S1 tweak synthesiser. I taught myself how to play the S1 using online tutorials. I could now play the two together and start making the type of melodic and progressive electronic music I absolutely love to listen and dance to. A marked difference from two years passed!

Soon after, I was at David’s house playing music with my funky little machines. I was playing a hypnotic soundtrack (albeit amateur), mixing rhythmic drums with soaring ambient drones, a wobbly acid bass, and delicate melodic arpeggios. David was working, but kept stopping to let me know it was sounding good! Indeed, he was so impressed and proud of his student and of what I was creating, that he immediately decided that we should start a band - which we later named - Livonian Nights. We started to jam together, added sound machines and controllers, busked outdoors, shared our progress online, and even played a few gigs in South Estonia and London. This year we are planning more gigs, more content, and most of all, more learning, practice, and growth.

Creative abandon

This passion project has taught me a lot about myself - both the good - my musical ability and connection, my determination, my curiosity - and the bad - my impatience, my need for validation, my lack of confidence. I’ve really struggled with this last element in particular.

A lack of faith can be devastating for creative pursuits. Good artists tend to have a strong sense of creative abandon - a type of self-assurance that they can pick up a tool of their labour and not worry too much about the output. David taught me that I didn’t need to save every musical interlude I created. In fact, it’s quite a liberating feeling to play a tune, enjoy it, and then delete it. It’s all part of the process. And it’s a confidence that each time you play, you’ll find a better tune, enjoy it again, and again, and again.

Each time an artist puts pen to page, paintbrush to canvas, or bow to violin, faith guides their next actions. Otherwise, they’d lament every brushstroke, curse every word, wince at every sound. Without confidence or faith in oneself, an artist may never even start.

Energising change

So I played. I actually started. I created music, and loved it. I found my confidence in turning on those machines and just playing for enjoyment. I looked forward to progressing - by learning from my bandmate, or teaching myself based on online tutorials.

Thanks to my little pocket synths, I’ve learned what it feels like to have faith in myself.

Faith in myself feels peaceful, comforting, and warming, just like giving myself a hug. With my renewed faith, I understand myself more. I look back on the path I have taken and can’t quite believe I’ve gotten to this point with this switch turned off. Rather than get sad about it though, this realisation actually reinforces my newfound confidence.

Now, faith lights up who I am and what I really want to spend my time and energy doing. For the first time in my life, I look forward and just see opportunities - buttons to press, beats to experiment with, melodies and rhythms to piece together. And with Sounds & Stories - stories to tell, content to create, and businesses to grow.